I can’t stop this jumpy, itchy feeling I have. Those stupid bugs. Why is it I can face a huge stone dino and not have any fears but little flying bugs have me crawling in my skin. Lying here trying to sleep and all I can think to do is jump around and get them off. Even thinking of the beach doesn’t draw the feelings away. Eventually I am able to fall asleep, many many creepy hours later. Finally the bugs are replaced by images of money. Lots and lots of money. I’m swimming in money. Its all around me. Different kinds of coins and bills. Living the way I have all my life, I’ve never seen anything like this before. Everything is made of money. I see other people around but they don’t act like anything is so unusual. To me they appear to have money falling off of them. When I reach out to grab any off it, it disappears. Why can’t I touch it? Its right there, everywhere. Tables, chairs, walls, doors, all of it made out of money. But just like in real life I can’t get any of it. Why oh why do my dreams do this to me. Touching my husband again, having money, beautiful beaches, all just dreams. Never to be anything I can have. Just want. So close yet so far away. When I wake up I know I must go find some other way to make money. I really enjoy being a ripper but I can’t live this way anymore. I want more. The only way I see to improve myself is by getting more money to buy better weapons to defend against whatever we are to face next.
Father Batch has been really great to me since my husband died. He is really the reason I am still here. But there has to be something else I can do on the side. So I must figure out something I am good at. Killing. Yes, but what else. Maybe I should look around. See whats out there. Check the papers. See if there is anything that doesn’t involve killing….or bugs. No more bugs.
The world beyond Darkness